And the Survey Says … (Parody)

Hello Spend Matters Readers,

My name is Jason "fact-based" Busch. I'm the Spend Management Group Director, Research Services VP, and office punching bag at Spend Matters Publishing, Inc. in Boston, MA (in fact, the Spend Fool is giving me ten lashes right now). One of the reasons that I am sending this to you today is because it is my firm's policy to spam as many potential customers as possible (trust us, we're a direct marketing firm and we know what we're doing). If you question our legitimacy here, here's a picture of the big boss to put you at ease. The other reason that I'm writing you today, of course, is that I'm working on a new research study about Spend Management. We'll put our heads together on the specific content once we figure out who might be willing to shell out the most to get a list of "leads" from those who download it.

Even though you're one of 232,124 people getting this, we've already pre-qualified you and know that your experience in this area and perspective you bring can play a critical role in our research. Given your highly screened qualifications, I ask for you support today in taking this 5-10 minute survey. Just like spend matters, your voice matters as well. Even if you're a green bean analyst who has no business filing out a survey about company investment and strategy — and even if we've never contacted you to verify your credentials and role — I have no doubt that you will do a great job and inflate your responsibility level to make us all look good.

In return for your time, it will be my pleasure to send you and the other participants who responded at "random" a complimentary report. I could tell you that this report would also be available for free even if you don't respond, but I won't. Wait, I just did. Still, this way we can promise you that you can still read the findings without getting telemarketed to death by those we sell your contact details to. As always, we keep all survey respondents strictly confidential. To begin taking the short survey please click on the above links. Thank you in advance for your time and attention, and even though Dear Leader still exists only in memory in our office, rest assured his inspiration is the spark for this spam email and a million other emails just like it. PS - please take a look at some images below.

Best Regards,

Jason Busch and the Spend Fool

Here's a picture of my Chairman, CEO, President and Fearless Leader.

And here's a picture of a CFO responding to the CFO's view of procurement (we only get the most senior respondents for our surveys).

"...and our happy team of analysts hard at work..."

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