Best of the Best in the Scariest Things a Procurement Pro Could Hear

We steal posts all the time from our sister site Public Spend Forum, but one in particular that has generated a lot of fun is the story on the scariest things a procurement practitioner can hear. Our fearless blogger took the thread over to LinkedIn, and it's been taking on a life of its own. I thought I would highlight here some of the funniest ones that caught my eye:

“Can you just take a quick look at this RFP? I need to post it this afternoon."

"Your passport is up-to-date, right?"

"Oil went up $10 per barrel."

"The EVP of Marketing just went out to lunch with leaders from the PGA, and he signed a $45 million letter-of-intent on a piece of notebook paper for us to sponsor next year's professional golf tour. Can you help us now to negotiate a 'real' agreement with the PGA?"

“Items are being held in customs indefinitely.”

"Here, can you get this contract finished up? I've already negotiated everything so it should be ready to execute....."

"Why do we need a contract for these services/works? The contractor will only be in site to carry out work for a couple of days, we will supervisor them."

“We will bring this project in under budget and on schedule no matter how much it costs or how long it takes.”

"Could you help out these guys in another area that working on a small project? It probably won't take too much of your time."

“[Supplier so-and-so] just had their only facility burn to the ground with all of their inventory...." Contingency plan???

And words that scare suppliers:

"We are not actually in a position to mandate, so it will be up to you to...."

"We just need to take it up to Board level for final sign-off."

"There have been some internal re-organisations and...."

Speaking of suppliers…

Supplier: “We can't find your tooling.”

Supplier: "We delivered everything you wanted, just not in the right order."

From a sole-sourced call center (obviously not in Southeast Asia): "We had to close the call center because of the five feet of snow that fell yesterday...we don't know when the roads will be clear enough for the staff to return..."

Supplier: “I regret to inform you: the boat sank...”

Supplier: "We are now the sole supplier of this product and have just purchased the only source of raw materials. A new price list will be issued to you within seven days and will come into effect from the 1st of next month."

 And my favorite for brevity [and tacit cynicism]...

"No problem."

KEEP 'EM COMING!

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