Summer of Hammock-Dwelling: What We’re Procuring for the Warm Weather

- May 26, 2014 10:04 AM
Categories: Spend Humor | Tags: , ,

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In lieu of a post about Memorial Day this Memorial Day, I present some serious summertime procurement plans from the company. Initially I mulled over how to order the responses. By alphabetical order? In the order in which they came in? Then the responses actually started coming in, and the answer was clear: separate by those buying hammocks and those not buying hammocks.

Hammock

Jeff Yoders

Item: Hammock

“This summer I’ve decided to procure a cypress hammock stand for my Nag’s Head Hammock that I’ve had since college. This hammock has major sentimental value as it used to hang on the front porch of our rental house at OU. I haven’t used it in years and it would be perfect for the back patio if I get the stand. I’ve been saving up 50 bucks a check for it since last month and I have some of my freelance money left over from before I started and I should have it totally procured by August 1st. It has to be the cypress one. Metal poles are not attractive on a back patio.

When I have my Yoderpalooza Barbecue in August you can come see the hammock. There’s just something about a hammock. It’s like when you’re in it you have a license to chill.”

Raul De Frutos

Items: Patio table, chairs, and hammock

“Last winter was so terrible that I am eating on my balcony every day this summer. Possible bonus: hammock for siestas afterwards.”

Kyle Fitzsimmons

Item: Hammock

“Because all winter long my sunroom had been used primarily as storage, and because big city-living doesn’t necessarily lend itself to leisure hammock-dwelling in between two oak trees, I’m looking to procure an indoor hammock. Activities on to include catching up on my recreational reading, accruing tortilla chip crumbs, and dozing off between these two events.”

Not a hammock 

Jason Busch

Items: A cleanse and a hot new pair of racing shoes

“I’m contemplating purchasing a full automated cleanse – sourced to the lowest bidder – to improve my mile time by getting rid of every unnecessary ounce for my favorite race of the year. But I already did pull the trigger on a very hot new pair of racing shoes – purchasing from Amazon at a 10-percent discount to retail price (two-day Prime shipping included). Alas, will probably skip the internal wet vac treatment.”

William Busch

Item: Boat (eventually)

“The process of sub-dividing small town coastal property to sell does not permit competition among legal and engineering service providers — looks like that new boat will need to be budgeted in 2015!”

Lisa Whalen

Item: Bikini

“In gleeful anticipation of summer in Chicago and a dazzling summer vacation in Europe, I’m in search of a decent bikini appropriate for the 40-some set, tasteful but not terribly revealing. This will require multiple visits to local boutiques where I will eagerly plow through trying on every variety available in search of appropriate dimensions, fabric, color, and that overall pleasing appearance. The workouts have been going well, so I do anticipate a good fit… eventually!”

Sheena Smith

Item: Car

“We’re in the market for a new car this summer. This is what I want. This is what my husband wants. He’ll probably win, as his choice is so much more practical, but the Seattle blood pumping through my heart knows the Subaru is better (or cooler, at least).”

David Gustin

Item: Basketball backboard

“Well, first, summer doesn’t really start here in Vancouver till July, so my mind isn’t there yet. Second, a guy with 17-year-old triplets contemplating anything? I only get things when they break (tennis racquet, new shoes) or need repaired (boat). Otherwise, somehow everything flows to the kids. Wait, I wouldn’t mind getting a new shatter-proof basketball backboard, as my boys and their friends love to dunk and my existing one is long in the tooth.”

Lisa Reisman

Item: Sandals

“This might come off as snobbish because my summer item is so expensive, but it’s not a whole lot different from playing three rounds of golf with beers (which I won’t do). And the thing is, these sandals would make me so happy.

First, they are walking sandals, meaning I can walk more than one block in them. Second, they are versatile – I can wear them with shorts, skirts, or dresses, and third, they are “on-trend” (not that I’m a particularly an on-trend woman mind you but I can pair it with a low cost outfit and more readily pull off the “sass factor”).

I guess it comes down to this: If you lived through Chiberia this winter like I have, you tend to feel entitled to a little summer splurge that can be enjoyed for the six weeks that make up our summer. And even though these sandals only arrive in the middle of July, that’s really when Chicago summers actually start.

How is that for a justification for a summer purchase?”

Thomas Kase

Items: Flowers, flippers, and a Nexus tablet

“The mother-in-law wants a flower garden, and her wish is my command. I’ll buy hydrangeas among other plants. Flippers for the youngest daughter; she’s been going on about these for some time and I guess it is time she gets them. A Nexus tablet for my oldest daughter, assuming she keeps up with all her assignments (reading, algebra, Spanish, yard work, etc.) over the summer. Even if she doesn’t, I guess she’ll get one, but don’t tell her.”

Jonathan Messinger

Item: A lifestyle

“It’s my ambition to go camping with the family a lot more this summer, but to do so means that I need to stop mooching off friends who usually have the gear. To that end, I spend (off-work) hours scrolling through the goods on The Clymb, one of those ‘member pricing’ websites where you have to sign up to buy anything, and they’re clearly trying to convince you it’s possible to purchase a lifestyle. ‘Maybe if I buy those thermoplastic polymer moisture wicking compression socks, then I’ll be an outdoorsman.’ But the stuff on there is high quality, the prices are low, and dignity is expensive.”

Sydney Lazarus

Item: Sandals

“I make a habit of promenading up and down the 50-yard strip of lakefront near my apartment on Sunday afternoons, at a pace of between 0.9 and 1.3 mph. The goal is to exude the self-satisfied air and slight ennui of the person who has never worked a day in his life. I haven’t picked the sandals, but if you also take strolling seriously, I recommend Everlane’s sandals for the company’s sustainable supply chain and labor practices.”

Brianna Tonner

Item: Bike

“I’m going to procure a new bike, because I want to join the office bike gang.”

Scott Slone

Item: Summer camp activities

“Code camp? Circus camp? Karate camp? Camping camp? Bad jokes camp (or is a bad joke just camp)? The vendor list is endless and the prices range from low to outrageous.”

Robert Cannon

Item: Ink

“All I’ve been able to do is purchase a full slate of ink for my sad little printer, a Canon of course. At least it does color but certainly eats it!”

Taras Berezowsky

Items: Baby clothes and nominal cash-back reward

“What I’m procuring in gleeful anticipation of summer? Probably some more baby clothes. Very likely some more baby food. Possibly some nominal cash-back reward for submitting my brand new mortgage payments via direct debit from my checking account, should I choose that option. You know, all the fun summer stuff I’ve always wanted! ADULTHOOD RULES.”

Stuart Burns

Item: Horse

“Summer is on the way, there is the tweet of birds in trees, the smell of wild flowers and fresh hay. For some inexplicable reason my teenage daughter has emerged from the winter four inches taller and having totally outgrown her pony. The only solution is a horse, so the holy grail has been undertaken to find the perfect mount. It has to be bigger but not too big, it has to be fast but not a psycho, it has to be able to jump – high! But not buck, rear or generally behave in an unladylike manner. Such a horse probably does not exist but that is of no account to a teenage girl, it’s out there, she knows it and Dad’s the one to find it. Of course when the new horse was found – just this week – it had to have a brand new wardrobe, more rugs than Harrods, and more leather wear than Fifty Shades of Grey!

If I have any money left at the end of this acquisition I may just treat myself to a small cappuccino and reflect how once I had money, energy, time….”

Pierre Mitchell

Items: Wine, goggles, and gas

“Saturday – our usual weekly wine tasting at Berman’s – the local liquor store. Joel Berman is all about value wines, particularly Burgundies, and I am a loyal customer. It’s really the only thing my wife and I do regularly just for us. Sunday – goggles because the local neighborhood swimming club opens this weekend and I lose goggles quicker than expensive pens (I never lose the cheap ones). Monday – gas. I’m driving my son to an all-day soccer tournament. Ugh. Er, I mean, hurray!”

Neither hammock nor non-hammock

Richard Lee

Item: [redacted]

“What I’m procuring for the summer cannot be revealed to the public, neither the content nor the source I’m afraid.”

So there you go. From the mundane (flowers, gas) to the lofty (dignity), summertime procurement spans just about anything you can think of. Happy Summer, readers!

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