Doctor Who – analysis of procurement capability and performance

We're featuring some of our attempts at humour from 2013 this week... this doesn't really need an explanation!

(Pic: courtesy BBC).

Dear Doctor,

You asked me to carry out a brief strategic procurement review of your operations. I must admit it has been one of the more challenging tasks of my consulting career, but I have made a few high-level recommendations,  given below.

  1. Your strategy to use “spot buying” rather than long term contracts (other than in a few specialist areas – see point 5) seems very appropriate. Skipping through time of course makes it difficult to commit to volume in any particular time-frame that would be relevant for a supplier.
  2. Whilst spot buying is probably the only feasible overall strategy, a little more forward planning would help. For instance, planning your re-generation to avoid the usual panic and so new items of clothing can be purchased with more notice would help achieve better value for money.
  3. There have been some issues with currency – and conventional risk mitigation strategies such as hedging are also difficult. Will the Euro or indeed the $ exist in 200 years time? We recommend that you convert 50% of your reserves into Gold – the one medium of exchange that is ubiquitous on 96% of the known worlds of our galaxy at least.
  4. We have been very impressed by your negotiation capability. There is little we can add here to a man who has saved the universe from multiple assailants purely through the power of your logic, rhetoric, charm – even when your apparent BATNA is very weak.  Indeed, we believe there is an opportunity for a Who Enterprises negotiation training course, book, online learning programme... the possibilities are endless.
  5. However, we observe that spend governance is somewhat weak. It is not at all clear in particular what delegated levels of authority your various companions have held. Some make very major commitments on your behalf whilst others basically run around screaming a lot. We recommend drafting a formal policy and communicating it (telepathically) to your companions*.
  6. We have, in all truth, failed to observe you personally buying anything. Ever. We therefore assume that procurement processes are highly automated, with use of infinitely large supplier networks, and little manual intervention needed within the source to pay process. If you were prepared to disclose the solution provider of your platform, you would be a very valuable reference site for that firm, with the potential to monetise that relationship.
  7. In certain categories, your procurement appears to be first class. The Tardis seems to get very regular IT upgrades without any evidence of major installation work. We conclude that the cloud-based platform it runs on, and the perpetual – indeed eternal – licences you purchased some 1,000 years ago represent very good value for money.
  8. Whilst it is somewhat outside our remit, the source of your income is also somewhat mysterious. However, we do note today (24/11/2013, earth time) the presence of a holding company – Who Enterprises  – on the share registers of Google, Apple, and Twitter. And the same firm appears to have sold out of Microsoft, Dell and HP shares  at just the right moment. We assume this is one of the many benefits of time travel...

I look forward to my final presentation to you, in a century and galaxy to be determined. (Please let me know as soon as possible, so I can hire my time-machine at advantageous advance rates).

Yours etc....

*On a related note, we would be pleased to offer a number of your companions secondments to our firm if that were of interest. We have been very impressed by their intellect and inter-personal qualities, particularly Ms Coleman, Ms Agyeman, Ms Gillan, and that one in a loincloth who talked posh).

 

Discuss this:

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *