Phone hacking scandal hits the procurement world

Under considerable pressure from Inspector Knacker of the Yard, who has now moved on from investigating the News of the World, Spend Matters has confessed to hacking into the voicemail of several thousand Procurement Directors over the last 67 years. If you are one of those affected, you will be getting a letter shortly with our offer of compensation*.

But to draw a line under this sad affair, here are some of the most interesting messages we heard - anonymised of course. We were, we confess, most disappointed that in the entire time we hacked in to various CPO's phones, we did not once find a passionate message for a CPO from Sienna Miller, John Prescott, a supermodel or even that stupid bloke who got thrown out of the 2005 Big Brother House.

Here, for what it's worth, are some of the messages we did pick up:

"We've been your supplier or 20 years, I can't believe you haven't given us the work. We'll have to lay people off, very bad PR for you...what can I do to make you re-consider?".

"Can you give me a call, not a major problem, but our delivery may be a little delayed, just been a small incident at our factory in Japan..."

"We can't make the price you mentioned but how about if we threw in an extra year's maintenance free of charge"?

"I'm the Executive SVP of Global Marketing for XYZ Components, I've been trying to get in your diary for ages, your PA isn't returning my calls, we have a wonderful product that I'd love to tell you about".

"... Sorry boss, won't be in today, bad cold. (Sound of unconvincing coughing). I know it was dinner with out Spanish suppliers last night but it isn't that really, I only had a couple of beers..."

"Spend Matters here. We'd like to speak to you about your claim in Supply Management to have saved £500 million by 'improving your relationships with key suppliers'......"

"We wondered if you were interested in Motor Racing. It's the British Grand Prix on August 14th..."

"We wondered if you were interested in Tennis. It's Wimbledon semi-finals day on June 29th..."

"We wondered if you were interested in Football. It's the Cup Final next week..."**

Anyway, we promise it won't happen again...


* Not less than £17.50 or a Green and Black Easter Egg

**We have approximately 37,230 other similar messages in our records, all starting with the phrase "we wondered if you were interested in...."

 

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