Tragic Accident Claims Life of SciQuest’s Questie

Chicago, Illinois

The usually quiet halls of the University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC) were filled with wailing mourners when campus police informed students, faculty and administration earlier today, April 1st, about a tragic accident that occurred in one of its biochemistry and molecular biology laboratories.

Augustus Questie the Fourth, known by his colleagues and friends as “Questie”, was killed instantly during an experiment he was participating in. Known by friends and family for his quick wit and boundless energy, Questie often worked multiple shifts.

He was part of a team developing state-of-the-art ultra high throughout chromatin immuno-precipitation assays to link DNA attachment sites for all human biological factors, exploiting new synthetic antibodies generated by phage display multivariate technology.

Authorities told Spend Matters that the accident occurred just after midnight, toward the very end of a 12 hour-long procedure. “Questie” was the only employee in the room at the time.

While official further details are not available, an unconfirmed source suggested that “a set of counterfeit reagents from Chinese suppliers with dubious traceability, chain of custody and conformity practices” might have contributed to the explosion.

Co-workers and friends are in shock. Michelle Perkins, head of communications for SciQuest – where Questie selflessly donated his time volunteering as company mascot – noted, “he was a kind, gentle soul. Questie was hard-working, caring, fearless and dedicated to the advancement of biosciences and effective and efficient purchasing processes.”

SciQuest had no further comment on whether they would replace Questie other than to note “he was irreplaceable and it's a tragic loss for all of us.”

Questie’s wife and four surviving questlings request in lieu of flowers, that donations be made be made to Mascots Anonymous, a 501(c)3 organization that helps mascots all over the country with reducing their out-of-control maverick spending.

Closed casket ceremonies will be held at the Unitarian Universalist church this weekend in downtown Chicago. We’ve compiled some touching photos from Questie’s Facebook page and Instagram feed (@instaquestie), below.

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Voices (5)

  1. Tania Almond:

    GiXSie sends condolences…

  2. Brady Behrman:

    I was so honored to have met Questie at NextLevel and was devastated & floored to hear this tragedy … until the recent news of April Fools. All hail Questie! Happy April Fools

  3. Megan Rowley:

    Wow! I’m in complete shock. I just saw him 2 weeks ago at Beer Friday. This is devastating news 🙁

  4. Jim Montgomerie:

    No, I’m sorry, there’s more to this than meets the eye! I’ve watched too many episodes of 24 and Murder She Wrote to accept this sort of b****it. Clearly a cover up. Either Questie has gone undercover – deep cover I suspect – or… where was Evil Questie last night??!
    The truth must out.

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