Why ‘Bust A Move’ when you can ‘Bust An App?’ (A Rant Rap)

Please enjoy this Boxing Day gift from our Canadian correspondent and resident rap aficionado. This is “Bust An App,” set to the tune of “Bust A Move.”

This here’s a jam for all the buyas

Tryin’ to scry what those vendors tell us

Get shot down ’cause we’re so attentive

Try to be smart, and reps get inventive

O.K., Buy-O, go to a trade show

Reps are everywhere and givin’ demo

Your pal walks by, you wish you could ask her

But you’re tied to the seat like you was just captured

 

Next day’s function, high class luncheon

Food is served and you’re stone cold munchin’

Lights go down, people start to cheer

As the all the vendor buzzwords start to fill your ears

VP starts walkin’, peers start gawkin’

Sits down next to you and starts talkin’

Says you need to buy ’cause they got the roadmap

So come on, Buy-O, and just bust an app!

 

Ah, ah, yeah

Ah, ah, ah, yeah

Ah, ah, yeah (just bust an app!)

Ah, ah, yeah, ah, ah

 

You’re on a mission and you’re wishin’

Someone could cure your spending condition

Lookin’ for gold in all the wrong places

There’s no nuggets, just spend traces

From frustration, first inclination

Is to become a monk and leave the situation

But every dark tunnel has a lighter hope

So don’t hang yourself with an inferior rope

 

New vendor’s showin’, so you’re goin’

Could care less about the grand you’re blowin’

Theatre gets dark just to start the show

Then you spot the vendor rep sittin’ in your row

She’s dressed in dollas, she says “hi-ya,

Come sit next to me, you fine buya!”

Decline and slink away before she busts out her rap?

And what comes next? Hey, bust an app?

 

If you want it, they got it

If you want it, baby, they got it, (just bust an app!)

If you want it, they got it

If you want it, baby, they got it

 

At the trade show, vendors say they know

Reps quote savings just so they have some ammo

Make a simple ask just to get some play

Then you wait for an answer and they say, “our way”

Clients are fakin’, goodness sakin’

Promised an app that will save their bacon

They saved no money but they can’t disparage

That they have no horse to draw their carriage

 

The reps are sophistic, materialistic

Looking for a mark makes them opportunistic

They’re lyin’ on the beach while they’re snortin’ a gram

While a sucker with the money commissions their scam

While on the books you’re bleedin’, savings recedin’

New Procurement Tech you’re desparately needin’

When a vendor runs up with nothin’ to rap

Don’t just stand there, bust an app!

 

If you want it, they got it

If you want it, baby, you got it (just bust an app)

If you want it, they got it

If you want it, baby, you got it (break it down for me buyas)

 

Ah, ah

Ah, ah

Ah, ah

Ah, ah

Ah, ah, hey, yeah

Ooh, uh, hey, yeah!

Ooh, uh, hey, yeah!

Ooh, uh, uh, uh

 

Your best friend Norm he has a brother Gorm

Who in five days is gonna re-platform

He’s hopin’ you can help him with it if you can

‘Cause he has no software experience, man

You say neato, check your sourcing ego

And roll to the office in your Fiat Palio

Take the service elevator to the Purchasing Floor

Where you won’t get to see daylight no more

 

So you start thinkin’, then you start blinkin’

At a process so warped you’re sure the devs were drinkin’

You want to give a compliment but it’s just so bad

That just thinkin’ ‘bout it makes you hopping mad

Going out the door, you feel so poor

The platform was so old it had no grandeur

So when the rep comes-a-knockin’ with her ancient rap

Now you know what to do, G, bust an app!

 

If you want it, they got it, ah

If you want it, baby, they got it (just bust an app), ah

If you want it, you got it, ah

If you want it, baby, they got it (bust it, buya)

 

Aah, aah, aah, aah

Ah, ah, yeah, ah

Aah, hey, aah, yeah!

Aah, aah, hey, yeah, yeah!

And if you would like to bust an app, check out our new series on the Levels of Integration on Spend Matters PRO (which will help you bust through integration claims), our ongoing series on advanced tech truths (Optimization is Obligatory, AI is not Created Equal, AI Won’t Save You, Let the Bots Battle to Their Elimination), and our upcoming deep dives next year into specific technologies and how, if they continue to be improperly used, they will fail you.