Spend Matters Pays its Taxes

Cayman-Isles-920x400There have been malicious reports in certain newspapers that Spend Matters UK might be engaged in tax avoidance activities. This has obviously been a hot topic recently with firms taken to task in front of UK parliamentary committees and the like, accused of not paying their fair share (whatever that means and however you might define such a nebulous concept). There have also been further calls for such firms to be banned from winning government contracts.

Anyway, these are scurrilous rumours about us and we‘re pleased to re-assure you that unlike certain major global household names, we have never engaged in such deceptions.

I am of course writing this from the Cayman Isles, where all our blogs are composed, (see picture of our office above) before being flown briefly to Ireland, where they are sprinkled with our Corporate intellectual property, which is held in a safe in the back room of a Dublin ale-house, before a carrier pigeon (which qualifies for special avian-employment subsidies under EU law) flies the article to a little-known canton of Switzerland for final fact-checking and loading into the website.

Our sales effort of course is based in Bermuda, unless we’re selling to certain countries which don’t allow Bermudan tax exemptions, in which case our sales staff jump on the plane to the Bahamas before they sign the contract. We pay some small royalties for the use of the Spend Matters name to a holding company based in Luxembourg, but nothing unusual about that of course.

Any live appearances I make at conferences are in fact holograms, beamed via the global space station to avoid any national insurance or personal tax liability becoming due. And ultimately, of course, all income goes through our very simple corporate structure which consists of a mere 23 subsidiaries, 5 holding companies, and a bauxite mine in Azerbaijan.

So you can be sure when you deal with Spend Matters that we respect the need to pay our taxes.  And we’re doing nothing illegal. Just like all the other firms...

PS.   In fact, and in case you’re wondering, Spend Matters UK / Europe is a UK company, owned 50:50 by Jason Busch and I, and ... well that’s it really. My consulting firm is exactly the same (except substitute my wife for Jason, if you see what I mean) We make a bit of profit, we pay tax on it. But I must admit, when I read all these stories, I do think perhaps I should be doing something a bit more creative.

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